Psycho Bobby

February 18th, 2014

I'm not sure what sanity versus insanity is. I don't subscribe to the DSM-V. I don't want a distant panel of overly educated, super-diagnostic psychologists telling me who or what is the norm. I mean, for crying out loud, the latest iteration includes "skin-picking disorder".

The other day a highway department worker named Bobby was holding the stop/slow sign in a blind spot right behind the curve. I stopped, waited a few seconds, rolled my window down, and mentioned that I couldn't see him from around the corner. Bobby looked a lot like The Undertaker circa 1989, and proceeded to reinforce the stereotype by screaming that I was a motherfucking idiot, telling where he wanted to kick me, and then slamming the sign across the hood of my car much like a Tombstone Piledriver finishing move.

Bobby doesn't have Intermittent Explosive Disorder. Bobby is psycho.

Is there a disorder for drinking a lot of caffeine and living in Arkansas? Probably, but that doesn't mean I'm crazy. I'm just sitting around selling items on eBay and eating tacos at the taco truck. I'm not crazy. I just edit videos, sit in the corner, and read a lot of nonfiction. I'm not psycho.

I mean, maybe there's a disorder for pissing off state employees.

I've been thinking about the usefulness (and perhaps necessity) of dash cams. In Soviet Russia, they're commonplace. Vehicle insurance is notoriously unreliable and police are notoriously corrupt, so nearly every motorist drives with a dash cam running at all times. That's how terrorist explosions and drastic wrecks are caught so often and posted on YouTube along with frantic Cyrillic comments.

I'm considering a dash cam...if only to put Psycho Bobby up on YouTube and gain a viral hit.