Things go parabolic

Nothing is gentle.

Things go parabolic.

As much as common wisdom would like you to believe, there is no such thing as a gentle ramp. The stock market doesn't just gradually crash. You don't just gradually win a race. Zoom in to any graph far enough, and you’ll find a very jagged line.

Even if you think it's gradual - it's actually just a lot of violent ups and downs, averaged out.

Basically what this means is: nothing just whimpers away. Nothing just "goes gently into that good night".

Everything has to break.

Politeness.

A guy I know from college has been hounding me for years now.

He’s one of those Edward Jones/Northwestern Mutual types. Just wanting to manage my money and sell me insurance.

I have not quite learned my lesson about being polite. Apparently, if you’re too polite, they mark you as a “hot lead” in Salesforce and then they start sending you mountains of research papers and expert investment advice.

This advice (which all comes canned, straight from the top) is some of the dumbest crap I’ve ever seen.

It’s the financial equivalent of watching Blue’s Clues.

The last article he sent me had tidbits like "you should invest for the long run". Or, "insurance helps you in the event of an emergency". Or, "it's best to let professionals manage your portfolio!"

Insurance helps in emergencies, huh?

Next they're going to tell me that air is nice for breathing.

I’d be better off buying collectible baseball cards than letting this guy take the reins.

Obfuscation via volume.

Say that you are a naughty school kid, and you’ve swiped a candy bar from the teacher’s lounge.

Now you’re already under suspicion, because you're that kid, and you have a telltale wrapper in your pocket. If you’re caught with it, you’re going to face severe repercussions.

(These days you might get expelled, who knows).

Where do you dispose of the wrapper?

You can try to hide the wrapper somewhere in the classroom...or you can drop the wrapper in plain sight, right into the teacher's trash can, which is full of her wrappers from this morning.

Which gets you caught?

This is obfuscation via volume.

In the movie Drive, the getaway driver escapes by turning into a parking garage right as the Staples Center empties after a ballgame. He walks right past a group of police officers.

If he’d gotten on the 405 and driven away at 120 mph, that would have stood out.

I think there’s a lesson there when it comes to everyday privacy. Even those of us who don’t rob banks or steal snacks still have embarrassing things to hide (like my love of 80s kung-fu sci-fi movies).

Maybe it’s better to obfuscate via volume?